Hi Dionne and welcome :-)
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Sounds to me like you are doing fine! Great that you have done groundwork with him and he is starting to understand the saddle. As you have had spinal surgery it is essential, I'm guessing, that he is as bomb proof as possible and that your core strength is everything it can be. You have had physio advice I'm sure post op.
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In terms of where to start, I would look at the longlining lessons, this would be good for both of you I think, it will make sure you are both in tune with each other, get him used to being "steered" and as you would be using the Dually for this and you can use the Dually as a bitless bridle it would seem to service the purpose. Making sure he can trot and canter well under saddle on longlines will make sure that he can tolerate saddle at all gaits - you don't want a nasty shock the first time you canter him in a saddle and he doesn't like it as much and you are on him!! NEVER longline him with a person on his back - it's extremly dangerous, use a dummy if you want to simulate a rider.
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There is nothing wrong with having external help if you are very careful about who you get - there may be a MOnty Roberts instructor nearby; have a look on the Instructors list on here.
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Continue to work through the videos on here according to what you want to achieve. The forum is a great place to get help and support all through your journey and we all love helping each other :-)
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Good luck Dionne, looking forward to hearing about your adventures.

Hi Dionne, how exciting to have your own horse!! Have fun with him now that your injury is over!!

In one of the first lessons, Monty mentioned the 6 imperatives (stopping, going forward, going left, going right, backing up, standing still). You can start with that (both on ground and saddle)!

If you are not sure what do to with your horse it could also be helpful to get an instructor to help you progress.

What do you want to do with yourse? Leisure or compete? Trail riding, dressage...?

Hi Dionne & welcome. Monty has now famously said he has only scratched the surface of violence free horse training; he is still learning. Importantly, Monty doesn't work alone. Yes, more usually he's in the round pen alone but he has help at hand, bringing him equipment, widening the tarpaulins & on hand should something unforeseen happen. Your baby will benefit from you taking your time & will progress faster with the support of an older, really confident horse if you can find a friend with one who is willing to help you. Remember, every horse is an individual, as are you. You'll have strengths & weaknesses as will your horse. The key to your collective safety is to plan each session & then be ready & able to adapt the plan as & when necessary. I'd recommend Montys book 'From My Hands to Yours'. Really good that Join up worked. Repeat it, usually about 4 - 6 cements the trust. Study all the lessons as even ones that seem to relate to situations not applicable to you are valuable. If you cherry pick you'll have unnecessary gaps in your knowledge. Long lining will build skills, trust & confidence so your young cob becomes the great partner you so clearly want to create. Good luck & keep posting your progress & problems; we're here to help. Cheers, Jo.

Thanks everybody, Ididnt expect so many to answer.
well now, i will start with long lining as this seems to be the thread in all of the answers.
in answer to one question from Austrailizee, my horse will be used as a trail horse, i am 45 years old and quite honestly competition doesnt interest me !! so i just would like a quiet, safe ride to get me away from evertthing else!!!
in answer to Vicci from North Wales, yes, after my spine surgery i need a horse to be bomb proof, and I think that this will be my biggest problem because my horse is a Little spooky .... well he is only 3 and half.
I will as suggested take each lesson as it comes up and not jump any over.
Thank you everybody for taking time to answer my questions, i am sure there will be many many more.
Monty Roberts is coming her to Denmark in April and of course i am going to see him - really look forward to this event.
thank you Again.
best regards

Dionne - Denmark.

Hi Dionne and welcome to you and your horse. I applaud you for attempting to train your horse yourself. This speaks volumes for who you are as a lady. That decision alone, is the leadership that will escort you through the door of uncertainty and lead to an eventual path of wisdom. It has never made any sense to me to have some one else train a horse for another person. My thinking here is that horses are trained through feel and leadership and respond to that particular feel and that particular leadership. Please treat this like a journey to enlightenment and have fun along the way. When we are with horses there is no time element. We find ourselves rapped around a connection of learning while getting comfortable with each other`s ability to trust. It all starts and finishes with leadership as horses either lead or be led. That`s a dynamic we cannot change. Ask yourself the question if you can be a leader for your horse. Are you a leader in other aspects of your life? The reason for these questions come from the fact that 90% of trained horses have to be re-trained because of basic leadership misbehaviors while being ridden. You have an opportunity, Dionne, with your horse, to bring about possibly of the single best experience of your life. When we get it right, it`s a magical gift we give to each other. My advice to you is stay on the ground and work on the connection between you and your horse. Ask yourself some questions as you walk into his area; is he relaxed? ;does he honor my presence while in his area?; does he want to share space with me? Get so you can read what`s going on with him in an eye blink. I can assure that he will have already done that with you. That`s the reading connection. And it continues from there all through the time that you are together. If you do not have tack on, the horse will be more honest and open to your connection with him. This will also cause you to be more prepared in your response to the communication. Try to stay in the moment with small steps and clear thought. Getting to know your horse is a dance of awareness and is critical to effective horse training. When you lead your horse, visualize that you are taking a dressage test in leading, while doing the necessary steps of correction when he missteps. This will send a message to him that he is to follow your feel while walking beside you and you are very definitely in charge of his movements and where to place his body. This is the precursor to all training and origin of being able to move you horse with you mind. This approach will also give more time to heal from your surgery. Longlinning, and movement toward the mounting block are excellent exercises to try at this time. Saddling is very doable also during this time. Remember. it`s alright to say "I don`t know" because you get stuck in place not knowing the next move might be. That statement demonstrates leadership over your own thoughts. It also demonstrates authentic behavior that your horse will recognize that in a heart beat. As my forum friends have suggested, you might look for a person to guide and possibly mentor you as you travel on your journey. Please be safe and patient with yourself and do keep us posted. Bud USA .

I remember reading your daughter had a horse - maybe she can help you?
lucky you to see Monty!
All the best with you & Shilo!

Bahila73. Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words.
Yes, I am a leader in my home- I have 3 teenagers to train!!, also, I was a police officer for 10 years so I guess that's also a leadership thing.
My horse Shilo comes to me when I go into the paddock- every time, he comes also when I call him.
He is very gentle with me as I am with him, I have learned that Shilo responds very well to quiet, gentle actions instead of big arm gestures and shouting.
Shilo is extremely playful and curious about everything, I desensitize him all of the time, wether it be to cars or to something I have in my pocket, or an umbrella or whatever, he is not the panicky, scared horse I bought one year ago, though he is still very careful when approaching new objects.
We have made 2 join ups, both a success.
Tomorrow I'm starting him on 'sweet spot' though at the moment I don't have a dually halter, I will try it with my rope halter and see if it will work.
When I have sweet spot 'down' like in montys video, then I will begin on long lining, after that I will make a dummy rider, when he can walk, trot, and canter with the dummy rider only then will I try my first real ride on him, I have made him used to saddle, bit less halter and rider ( me) last spring before my surgery.
That's the plan....but anything can happen so I'm very flexible in my training.
I would very much like it if he is rideable by the summer - so that's the goal.
I am sticking to my wish to train my own horse, I will not be defeated in that! It might be that it takes me twice as long to train him than say a 'real' horse trainer, but at the end of it I will have been on a journey like no other, and hopefully have a horse who respects me as much as I do him.
im not looking for the easy route, I'm looking for the best route.

Sounds like a wonderful plan Dionne, I wish you well and look forward to sharing your journey with you

Dionne, another welcome to the forum & it sounds like you are going to do a fantastic job with Shilo already. The lessons will help you through all the stages you need to become a working partnership with Shilo. Remember to listen to him and with the spookiness, allow him to look at it, he'll soon get to know anything you show him or he comes across is ok.
There is a great team here on the Uni, so just shout if you're stuck and always please let us know the good times too :)
Mel
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Thank you so much everyone for the support and kind words.
I have worked with Shilo today on the Sweet Spot and it went really well.
Tomorrow I will go through it again with him and then I will slowly start on the next stage of the program which is long lining. I am waiting to receive my Dually halter so am using my rope halter instead. I'm looking forward to use this Dually halter and see if make a difference.

Hi Dionne. After re-reading the commentary, I would suggest a little companion walking with your just to hang out with each other and enjoy each other`s company. Try to stay in the moment while jumping into his world. These short interludes from training might bring about wonders to the relationship.. `Hope this helps. Bud USA

Thanks Bud. Shilo and I spend lots of time just hanging out, it's something that I really enjoy, I love to just watch my 3 boys and how they communicate together, it's fascinating to watch and it helps me with my own communication with Shilo.

Excellent Dionne, watching their communication will help you and your communication with them. Notice their facial expressions as they speak with each other, we can imitate these expressions and learn to communicate with them completely Equus ;)
Mel
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Hi, I have a quick question if you don't mind my joining in and interrupting the conversation -

Do you think it is ok to start a session directly with follow up, without doing join up? So as to check if the horse is happy to be with me straight away by asking him to follow me?

Hi - it's a good question that deserves a new thread for a wider discussion...however "quick answer" - you don't need to do Join Up before every session; if your horse is 'with you' and the bond is good, yes, go for a quick 'walkabout' to check all is well and then continue. If the connection is strong you may never need to do a Join Up again - remember it's a negotiated communication not a task :-)