Hi Rosa & welcome to the Uni. Horses can "read" people. They KNOW when we have a plan, an intent. If you are the least, little bit anxious they will KNOW. If you have had a frustrating day, they will KNOW. So, the first thing you need to do is practice breathing. Deep breathing & fully exhaling will lower your adrenaline levels & you will be calmer. Yes, the horses will KNOW & they will be calmer too. Next, loose your intent. Go to the field & just spend time being their friend. Rub & scratch them with your hands. Speak softly, move in slow motion, calm down the situation. Take a bowl of food or treats so they come to regard your presence as a bonus, a positive thing. When was the last time you befriended someone who pestered you, demanded stuff & got all upset? Study the Uni lessons, over & over. Learn to control your body language & your emotions. My four all turn their rumps to me - to be scratched. They invade my personal space on a daily basis because WE are all comfortable with that. I can poo pick around their feet & under their bellies without any fear. But I can read their body language too. I can see, just a split second before something happens, that something is going to happen. Being alert is not the same as being on edge. You have to EARN trust. Let us know how you progress. Cheers, Jo.
 

Hi Rosalike- How big is the space in which your horses live? Are they in a large pasture (10 + acres) or a small paddock?

Thanks for your interest.  
The paddock is about 5 acres in size.  It is true that I generally only go and see the horses to do things with them as my free time with them is pretty limited due to a new baby in the house..  I will try to add a bit more 'hang out and be friendly' time with them.  

I should clarify that I am used to being around horses that are friendly towards me with no major vices.  Picking up manure under or around a horse or scratching their rumps has always been the norm, with nothing worse really than a 'narky' mare who I just laughed at and continued to get along with.  Actual, pointed displays of aggression  are a new thing for me to be presented with in these two horses.  Both are reasonably uneducated, whereas all my previous horses have come quite learned in their manners already, so I am inexperienced in how to respond, and yes, afraid of getting hurt.  I have no doubt that the horses have recognised my uncertainty and fear and probably quickly learned to capitalise on it.  
What I would like to know is what are these horses seeking in being aggressive?  Do they see me as a threat or just not like me, or are they just trying to be the dominant leader?  Also, would I be right in guessing that my reasonably feeble efforts to 'go crook' and send them off have made them want to retaliate?  I feel the wrong thing to do would be to further ignore blatant misbehaviour, but I fear I am making it worse by having a go.  I will add a few details.  The first horse I have mentioned is an ex-racer I bought off the track, who is the biggest horse I have handled.  He started off as friendly as a family dog, then went from twitching his back leg at me to kicking both barrels in my direction and 'encouraging' me out of the yard over a 3 day span only. Looks like he learnt pretty quickly that frightening me was a good idea.  I knew my inexperience was working against me, so I handed him over to someone knowledgeable before I made it worse.  The second horse is not even mine, he is just being kept on my place for a while and I have been feeding him and handling him a little.  He is a young, newly backed paint horse who knows nothing and is like an over-excited puppy, just in your face.  I can tell he wants to be loved, but I suspect he has learned a little rough treatment in the past. 

Thanks again for any interest in my posts.  I am keen to learn and want to discover what it is I am or am not doing that is drawing out negative behaviours so that it doesn't happen with other horses I will come into contact with.   

Hi Rosalike. Is your horse alone? (ie. no pasture mates?) It sounds not unlike what was happening to me with a little 3 year old filly I bought in the spring.  Before I bought her, she was an angel, no vices, loved people, easy to be around, nicely started. A few weeks after I brought her home she became a different horse (she is the only horse in my pasture- we have cattle, but no other horses). She came from a home with many horses and she was the youngest so least dominant in the herd. She started to rear up when ever I would put a rope around her neck to catch her, or even clip the line onto her halter. I think some of her behaviors were related to her wanting to establish dominance over her new herd- me. I wonder if the same thing is happening with your horse? My mare's behavior has been changing dramatically over the last couple of weeks and she hasn't challenged me in several weeks now- in fact she whinnies and comes up to meet me now when I go out to get her. I can't attribute it to any one thing- but perhaps a number of things..... remember Monty's saying- he who moves the others feet first has control. When my mare reared up at me, before I could put the halter on her- I chased her away and kept chasing her over 50 acres for about 45 minutes- I would not let her stop until she obviously wanted to stop and she looked at me and took a step toward me. Then I just walked to her, rubbed her forelock and walked away. I did this twice in a week. The next time I went out I didn't even try to catch her, just rubbed her head and left. On the lead, I do ALOT of backing up- the Dually is great and they learn very quickly to back up a the slightest tweak of the line. You need your horse to back away from you and give you space.  You can't back your horse up too much. 

Also, instead of a whip- if your horse won't move away- try going out to the paddock  armed with a plastic bag on the end of a stick- remember- don't just chase her away from you a few feet- chase her around the 5 acres- be prepared for the time it will take when you go out- it has the same effect as joining up without a round pen.

Just a few suggestions. 

Debbie

Hi Debbie,
Thanks for exchanging with me about what I suspect is indeed a shared problem.  I have followed along with your own posts about your rearing horse and would guess our situations are similar.  Both the horses I have described were green and newly brought to my place when the behaviour began, and both came from more social environments.  The TB was alone while he was here, and he certainly moved my feet when he started carrying on, so that would be him establishing dominance without competition.  The paint horse joined a nice gelding in the paddock and was the lower down of the two in pecking order.  I imagine he enjoyed having someone of his own to try and intimidate, and yes he moved my feet too.  I tried moving his, but was not as forward and intent as you seem to have been with your horse.  I satisfied myself with moving him off a few meters and then beating a slow, 'well that will do it' retreat each time.  Not suprisingly, my send offs did not have the positive results that your own did!  I suppose I feel a bit too nervous to really give it a good go on my own, when I am trying it all for the first time and am naturally non-confrontational.  If I was a horse, I would be the bottom of the pecking order no doubt!  But being a human, I am quickly learning I can not be viewed that way by my horses or I will get into trouble and create badly behaved horses.  
Thankfully the paint, who was being agisted, is moving on to another location now, so I am back to two horses that are well mannered already.  I shall commit myself to learning how do speak horse with them without the fear, so that hopefully when I get my TB back from the trainer I will be able to handle him with a bit more know how.
All the best!

Hi Rosealike

There is one thing I have picked up that will be affecting how the horses are with you, the new baby.  Whether we think it or not us having children affects how we view life differently, things that were seemingly ok prior to children now has a thought process of what is something happened to me who would look after my children, how would they cope. Although not a mental process we actually think about it is there deep down. 

That subconscious thinking will have an effect on how you feel around the horses and the horses will pick up on that. 

Remember ,unless a horse has been harmed that it has fought to defend itself ,that horses are gentle creatures with no intent to harm people. Our behaviour around them, if we are unsure, makes them want to be away from us because to them we are unpredictable and they cannot trust us to behave in a way that they feel safe. The same if we are really stressed with daily thoughts the horse is less likely to come to us.  When your TB comes back, keeping the fenceline between you and the horse introduce the baby so the horse sees you have maternal instincts, the horses understand mares and foal behaviour and they will associate this with you. Also, the fear status that you have will become more clear to the horses.  Just standing at the fence until the horse comes over to investigate you and the baby. This alone can be a starting point to the two of you trust each other.   Remember slow incremental steps for a long trusting future.
Mel 
x

Hi Mel,
Thanks for your very interesting comments.  I perhaps have been downgrading the impact of my own emotions on my horses.  Yes, I am definitely conscious of needing to not get killed with a little one depending on my!  That added to a naturally nervous temperament in me would undoubtedly lead to an easily dominated human in the eyes of a horse like mine (Guyforx is his name).  I never actually showed him the baby, but will make a point of it when he comes back.  
Aside from that, your comments have made me think more of the potential impact my emotions may be having with the horses on a broader scale. At the time that I bought Guyforx (December last year) I was in the midst of trying to cope with a most traumatic life experience.  Without going into details, my husband was in hospital following a severe self harming event which he was lucky to have survived, and I was at the time 7 months pregnant...  I bought Guy hoping to put something really good and positive back in my life ( I had actually been hoping for an opportunity to buy him for the last 2 years and it was then or never at all, so it seemed providential).  He came right of the track, so I spelled him and let him come down for 2 months and then brought him to my place to start playing with.  Undoubtedly I was carrying all my tension and worry into the paddock, feeling frightened and low, and also physically weakened after having the baby, so I would have been an open book for him.  
I hadn't thought about it like this before, but perhaps there is something in that.  I have never had problems with horses until now, and all of a sudden to have 2 horses respond to me in a very negative way, well perhaps it is related to my emotional state at the time.  One question though.  I have both observed and heard about how horses are wonderful for troubled and vulnerable people to work with to gain confidence and bring positivity back into their lives.  I understand that Monty even has such a program going at the moment. While horses in these programs would certainly be very quiet and well trained, I had generally been of the opinion that horses (give or take the odd exception) are naturally disposed to give and connect, not the opposite, when given the opportunity.  In the past when I have been sad or sick, like so many people, a hug from the horse does wonders, and my horses have often seemed to 'know' I need them in those times.  Perhaps this is just fanciful imagination?  I don't think so though.  With Guy, I suppose the difference is that we had not made a friendship yet, and he met me while I have in an unusually bad place emotionally, so he met me and decided I was unstable/nervous/uneasy/vulnerable/weak etc.  If that was all he got from me (how sad for him!), and he was uneducated, young, in a new place and looking to see if he or I was the dominant one, little wonder he didn't feel safe making friends.  Very sad in retrospect, but it makes sense in that light a suppose.  
Does anyone else have experience in this sort of area?  Feel free to debunk everything I have said if it sounds like nonesense!  
And yes Mel, I am very slowly making my way through the groundwork videos. Probably too slowly...
Thanks guys.

Hi Rosalike,
Your post has touched me deeply! 
Yours must have been and maybe still is a difficult start with your horses (and baby, with its father, your partner!)...
Going from where you are now, may I suggest you leave all self- judgement behind and seek to learn as much as you can about the language Equus!
I don't know where you live, but there must be a Certified Instructor in Monty's methods somewhere near, that would be happy to help you. Signing up for one of the wonderful courses they offer brings you in contact with others that want to learn and look forward to sharing this life changing experience.
Invest in your own life, in your own learning, you've come to a forum that is more than willing to stand with you! 
Please keep in contact and stay safe!
Miriam

Hello Rosealike;  you have come to the right place.  The folks on this forum come from ALL walks of life with many varying degrees of life`s experiences.  They just have advanced degrees in the education and wisdom of EQUISS.  We all thank you for your openness in describing how you see your relationship with the horses, and what might be done to change how you feel about that when you are with them.  Miriam, in her post above, offers really good advice to help you get started.  The first step, toward anything new, is always the most difficult.

Your thoughts about horses and what they might offer us emotionally is NOT hocus pocus or pipe-dream in origin.  Horses have the ability to read us like a book, and if we really listen they will touch us in a way that brings to us a new wave of thought energy.  This,  can be a life changing experience for us as has been evident all over the world with the Equine  Assisted Psychotherapy programs.  I personally managed horses for this program in Washington State.  I have seen the great results many times while being away from my own horses.  I believe that we are just scratching the surface with these programs.

For your immediate situation, SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT...  As a starting point I would suggest that you and your baby visit the horses many times a day.[JUST TO HANG OUT]  Be authentic and vulnerable...This places the horses in a relaxed frame of mine.  Their second most used system of operation is that of CARING..  You can do this outside their corral area until you feel safe in their space.  Look for a sign that they might want to share their space with you.  This will undoubtably be easier with just one horse.   When you feel comfortable with Guy, ask him to come to you, scratch him, pause, and then send him away.  This is like a yo-yo game, but something very significant is going on between you and the horse--THE FORMATION OFA HEIRARCHY.  He will recognize this right away because horses play this game all of the time.  When doing this, arm yourself with a dressage whip that has a flag or Styrofoam on the end.  This will reinforce your efforts toward politeness and willingness to move out for Guy

This will help you to get a start with Guy while staying safe.  It is a confidence builder for both horse and handler while being a stepping stone to the next chapter.

Remember, authenticity and vulnerability will be your greatest asset to start.

Please keep us all posted and stay safe.

All the best 
Bud

Hi Rosealike,

I would say Guyforx came into your life at the right time and he is ready to help you as your understanding grows.

Similar to the equine assisted programme Bud talks about, we run something similar to this but without a Physiotherapist present, where the horse is the therapist. I understand the process Bud speaks of, but I will let you know what we do so your options can open for you.

Being you have Guyforx you can implement the healing process for both you and your partner. 

The first thing is your horse must choose you to work with you, when the horse chooses you amazing things start to happen. After you have done field chores  all that is required is to stand or sit on a stool, log or something about 50 feet away from Guyforx and wait. As you wait watch Guyforx, watch how he grazed and moves around the field, each time he looks at you let out a relaxing sign, do a slight bow with your head and blink once, this in equus is an acknowledgement. You will be looking for several body positions head and  body pointing towards you says I am interested, side view of the body with glances of the head towards you, says I am interested but not sure, bottom towards you I am not interested, however will still keep you within eyes view.  Stay sitting or standing for as long as the horse is facing you or side on, as soon as the horse gives you the bottom after looking at you, wait a moment to see if he changes his mind, then make your leave of the field, do not look back until you have reached the gate, exit the gate by which time Guyforx should will have either chosen to turn around and watch you leave or still with bottom to you, hopefully the first. If he is facing you again repeat the slight bow of the head and one blink of the eyes in acknowledgement. Do this each day and he will start to choose you if not already done on the first day. It is still a form of join up, one that I have seen mares use between each other. By keeping back and waiting you are showing you want to lead and will wait for him to make his choice.  

Use this sitting waiting time to practice diaphragmatic breathing, this will also help you to relax in your self. 

If he approaches you on the first day of when he does approach you try to resist touching with your hands, lean forwards and say hello by exchanging natural breathing nose to nose, depending which nostril he uses will tell me a lot about the horse if you can remember when it happens please :) after exchanging breath look him deep in the eyes as gentle as possible and let  him look deep into your eyes, it may make you feel emotional if it does then let the emotion release, he will at this point take a step towards you and use his head to guesture he understands how give him a rub and if he keeps standing lay your head against his neck and relax, do not put your arms around his neck as this means something else or he may turn his hind quarters to you and stand. If he does the latter in equus he is offering you a horse hug, gently place your hand on his lumbar area and rest your head on his rump and breath. When you see herds of horses standing together they rest their heads close to one on the hind end of a willing horse, what I call a horse hug. 

Can I ask which country you are in Rosealike? 

well done by the way I know where you are at now and can assure you there is a way forward for you and your family, take care. 

Mel x

One little point, remember you have all the time in the world, nothing of value is achieved quickly. 

X 

Thank you everyone for your responses.  It actually feels really wonderful to have brought these issues into this forum! My relationship with my horses has always been a key grounding and positive factor in my life, so I am really motivated to learning what I can to ensure it remains that way - or gets to be that way again. I find that a good session with the horses, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, can make everything else in life seem less difficult to face.  
I am in Australia, SEQ.  I have had a look on the website for accredited trainers but they seem to be quite far away from me.  This university is meanwhile a really wonderful tool for learning.  You are right, Bud, to recommend taking the time to just hang out with the horses and communicate friendship and caring in that way.  Looking back I had definitely been leaving that out in the proper sense.  My adrenaline was generally up, and it remained up while I groomed him, looked at him, fed him etc.  I am practising now really slowing everything down when I am around the horses; breathing out audibly when I am fiddling around with them, and talking pleasantly about nothing in particular while I look after them.  Being now more aware of the impact of how I feel and the vibes I give off, I am now noticing the difference in how the horses react to me.  The days I am feeling particularly out of spirits and negative about life, and I am aware that I have brought these feelings into the paddock, I have observed that the horses are jumpy, a bit nervous and not interested in connecting with me.  The times I make the effort to slow it all down and just 'be' a bit more, they are likewise more calm and happy to be near me.  
I tried what you suggested, Mel, about sitting on a log in the paddock to invite friendship.  With my little mini (Picsy), who is reasonably new here still.  I had the baby, and when Picsy saw us sitting in the middle of her paddock she looked as if she had seen a rhino or something!  Very funny to observe.  Over the next 5-10 minutes she did start to graze her way over.  I started crawling around pulling weeds and she grazed quite happily next to me.  When I came back into the paddock later that day she was much more welcoming than usual.  I am visiting Guy in 2 weeks time, so I will experiment in winning his friendship then.  I like the idea of a horse 'choosing' you for a friend.  It has really felt with Guy so far that he has not wanted me for a friend, so with a little adjustment in my behaviour, I have hopes that he will change his mind.  You mention looking him in the eye in a loving sort of way.  I thought it was a threatening thing to look horses in the eye? I have been trying hard not to look at any of my horses eyes for a while, which I miss, as they do have such beautiful eyes.  Is it ok to look at their eyes in a nice way, then?
Thanks everyone for sticking out this long thread!  I am amazed at what it has turned into.  I started out thinking I had need of technical advice, and was approaching my horses and my own problems with 'all head, no heart'. I see that actually quite the reverse is needed.  I hadn't appreciated before talking with you all just how insightful horses are, but now it is so clear to me how very accurately they read people.  This reminds me how important it is not to blame horses for 'bad behaviour.'
Thanks again,
Rosalike.

Really well done Rosealike, really good progress :D

Your comment...

To clarify looking the horses directly in the eye as Monty teaches is a way to send the horses away and when within the round pen for training looking directly at the horses eyes with the appropriate body language is Equus for the horse to go away and the eyes to the ground is more passive, however, horses use their eyes for every type of emotion you can think of, you see fear, anger and even compassion in their eyes so looking at their eyes in a more gentle way and allow them to see our eyes being gentle is Equus communication.  Think of the videos that Monty shows of the wild cat; eyes on eyes and claws out or in our case fingers open wide, that says go away, but when the wild cat is resting the eyes still might be on eyes however its paws and claws would be passive and relaxed so the horse would know it is not dinner time. The same with us, it is not just the eyes on eyes that sends the horse away it is what we do with out body language too.    Learning the expression of the eyes is how  I know first when meeting a new horse what their so-called behaviour problems are, their eyes tell me what they feel and likewise our eye show what we feel from happy to sad and angry it is all there in our eyes and horses can read our faces. 

In our growing herd,we now have 9, when working the herd together none of them are allowed to overtake me as we walk around the track, should they bundle and discuss between themselves behind me what order they want to walk and in their bundling accidentally overtake me all it takes is a look as if telling off a child that is misbehaving for them to fall behind again, should they become a bit more loud with their bundling then my body comes into play and the look becomes a stern frown and my head leans forwards towards the horse that is causing the disruption as if I am going to separate them from the herd and I tell them to stop, then order carries on alright again for the exercise. 

Remember to smile with your eyes when looking into your horses eyes when you are relaxing with them, they see the happy turn up at the corners of the eyes when we do. :D 

Nothing is insignificant when with our horses even the smallest gesture of kindness adds meaning to our lives and those around us.

Can you explain what you mean when Picsy acted like she had seen a rhino? What did she do? ? 

You are doing well!! 

Mel 
x

Sure Mel,
She stood exactly square on to me from a distance with head straight up and all attention on me - ears, eyes etc.  She took a few steps forward, then stopped abruptly in the same attitude staring.  I got from her, "who/what the heck are you and what do you think you're doing down there!!" I would say she is a bit suspicious of me too, and was wondering what potentially nasty plan I had going on, but she grazed closer, relaxed down and eventually forgot about me (or pretended to) when she saw I wasn't up to anything, just being there and hanging around.  
I am amazed to hear how strong the effect of single glances can be from you to your horses!  I probably shouldn't be, as the whole Equus language is all about that, but it continues to suprise me that people can have such clear and successful communication with their horses.  My communication efforts are still very much unconvincing I think, but the more I learn and the less worried and uncertain I become I hope that my efforts will improve.
Glad to have the issue of looking horses in the eye clarified a bit more. 
Thanks.

That is fantastic Rosalike, you have opened up the process of speaking Equus and she is understanding you.  The few steps towards you was her trying to send you away, your response to stay put however was an Equus answer and one that shows leadership and authority.  

I was taught this by a horse that I cared for who became our lead mare for about a year before she injured herself badly and had to be put down. When she came to the herd observing how she became lead mare without chasing, kicking or whatever else you imagine a hierarchy horse doing was extremely educational into herd activity, all she mainly did was stand and wait with her bottom turned to the herd, then she would walk to another spot, stand and wait with her bottom turned, eventually she would turn around and wait, the herd would slowly get closer and closer and stand with her (join-up) until she would then walk away and the whole herd would follow (follow up) with her, the same that would happen with join-up in a round pen.  I call this 'mare join-up', and once you have done this with a horse and it chooses you the round pen join-up will not be necessary, join-up is there to gain trust and accept leadership, which Picsy has now started with you. 

What Picsy has done is shown that she has been used to being lead mare, even if in a little herd or by herself she has been lead, your being still and waiting for her to come to you and her coming so quickly with just the first efforts, shows she is not a hierarchy horse if she would have been in a larger herd. Her coming towards you shows 'she is looking for leadership' and now realises that you can give that to her. 

Keep learning from Monty's lessons, remember to do the questions at the end of each video to earn your rosettes :D and always ask why when you do something with your horses why they respond back in a certain way, even stepping back from you when you go to them is speaking to you, always ask 'why' and 'what did I do for the horse to react that way'   It is an exciting learning process, but always remember Monty's words... Slow is Fast! 

I would recommend going over the how to catch a horse in a field lessons on the uni, if you have not already as this will be the next stages for you once she has come to you fully.  Monty goes through body language and things that send the horse away in that series. 

Keep us posted, it is lovely seeing your progress :D 

Mel 
x

Hi Rosealike and Mel; What a great conversation you two are having on this thread.  There is so-oo much wisdom about horse communication being discussed.  I see this as a HUGE WIN for horses and people alike.  Thank you both, and everyone else who has contributed.

Monty has to be smiling, knowing what he has created with this forum.

My best to all, and Rosealike,don`t let it end here.  Your learning has created new chapters for us all.  Please keep us posted with your new discoveries.

Bud

Will do. 
Mel, your insights and suggestions have been really eye opening. I will definitely start asking 'why' with each little thing my horses do, and yes, I will look at the 'catch your horse' videos next.
I have really valued everyone's time and interest.  
Thanks guys!

Keep us posted on your progress Rosalike!  
Mel 
x

Hello everyone.
It's been a while since we all chatted on this thread, so I thought I would add an update or few.  
My TB Guyforx has been away getting retrained bit by bit, and I have been to see him a few times, and even had some rides at long last.  It was so nice to ride him at long last, and he is a pretty quiet ride, actually.  I am going to visit him for a few days at the end of this week too.  I have deduced a few things about him that shed light on some of his behaviours.  First, I think he must have been hit a lot with the whip when been ridden.  He is extremely resentful of whips.  He was a very slow racehorse, and continues to be a struggle to move forward when being ridden, so I suspect he was whipped a lot on the track in training. He is also very sensitive (previously I would have said he is aggressive) when being touched around his girth area, even during grooming.  Adding this to his kicking out when starting on the long line I have come to suspect a gastric ulcer, so he is now getting a herbal treatment for that.  
I feel that he resents people who threaten him.  When I first had him at my place I was an emotional mess, so he deemed me as unsafe and responded accordingly.  I then got frightened and not knowing much yet about Monty's methods, brought a whip into the paddock, so he immediately felt threatened and resentful of me.  For me now, I think the challenge will be to find the balance of non-violent 'schooling'.  I have looked through the university but am having trouble finding out just what is involved in 'schooling'.  The people around me school traditionally, becoming angry with the horses and 'telling them who's boss'.  I observe them get their desired result - the horse doesn't dominate them and they remain in control of the horse.  This still appeals to me only on the grounds that I get inferior results by not using the traditional methods of domination and anger.  I recognise now the resentment this behaviour brings about in horses, and don't want this relationship with a horse.  However I am really lacking in know how.  Still when I send a horse off using my body language I get little to no desired response, and increased agro from the horse, as though he wants to take me on properly because I have 'challanged' his right to do something like barge me. Can anyone advise how to balance being in control around horses with being respectful?
Aside from these things, I have now curiously been diagnosed with PTSD following the familial events of last year.  I say curiously, because the PTSD/horses connection was touched on somewhat in this thread earlier on.  I have been finding my relationship to my horses at this time still somewhat split.  On the one hand, I find being around them very wonderful and peaceful and uplifting, but on the other hand, I am still quite an insecure person dealing with horses that have a few hang ups, and who probably require someone more confident and knowledgeable to bring out the best in them.  I continue to be far too easily frightened by negative behaviours in the big horses, which continues to play against me.  
My little mini pony is wonderful though.  We have really figured each other out now, and she is so much more trusting of me.  No doubt this is because I am not nervous around her!   If only I could carry this confidence over to proper sized horses.  I am going to buy a dually halter soon, so hopefully after learning to use it I will have better success in handling the bigger horses.  Still, the old synchronising thing will continue to play out between me and the horse regardless of the gear I use.  I am making an effort to consciously slow my breathing and think it is helping a bit.  
I am keen to make the most of the great benefits horses can bring to people suffering PTSD, now that I am found to be in that category myself.  If anyone has any words of wisdom to pass on on this topic I would be interested to hear from you.  
Thanks for reading,
Rosalike.

Bless you, Rosalike for being so open. I hope I can create in you a new thinking that will help you on your journey to recovery. 

Horses, I believe, come into our lives for a reason. Your pony is small and this can create a 'gentle' feeling in us that draws them to us and us to them. Bigger horses especially who have been hurt at human hands are a different matter and are our biggest teachers.  To take the journey with them we need to forget traditional methods and look to what they are willing to teach us.  Your breathing is an excellent start and the more you practice this even when just standing next to both of your horses in the field or stable the more relaxed you will become. 

For a practice session on your horse do not just get on and ask to go forward, get on and breath, breath until you feel the connection between you and the horse, you relaxing and your horse starting to feel comfortable underneath you. Feel his breathing against your legs and aim to take your breath in time with his, if his is faster than it should be at rest, then keep breathing with him but slow your breath down so that he will then start to breathe with you. Once you feel that harmony breathing together, lean slightly forward in the saddle and squeeze gently from your buttock and upper thigh, as he responds even if just one step relax into the riding position and keep your legs still. If he stops, focus on what your riding position is, have you sat too far back on the cantle, did you slouch, did you lean too far back. These are all things your horse could respond to for stopping.  If this happens breath again until you feel at one with breathing and repeat the lean forward and buttock squeeze. If you get this right he will want to work with you and when you sit back into the riding position correctly he should keep walking forwards. When he has gone forwards at least a length of the school, ask him to stop by moving both of your legs forwards in front of the girth pushing slightly down on the stirrups as you do so, the aim is to create pressure into the shoulder under the saddle which will unbalance the movement of the horse, when he stops release the pressure on the leg and sit still and breath once again.  At first, you might have to move the leg quite a way forward, but do this a few times and you will be able to make the movement smaller, he will then understand when both of your legs go in front of the girth you are asking for a stop. Physically what is happening as you put your legs forwards your buttock sits lower into the back of the cantle so you are giving two signals. A third signal is as you do this do a long slow breath out, empty your lungs and this will help you more.  At no point use the reins for this, the must be no pressure on the bit at all. 

Remember Monty says slow is fast.  A whip might get fast results, but it can also bring along an unhappy horse which is not what any of us want.  You already feel different to others with the PTSD, I am dyslexic and do things quite differently to the normality in Uni it is very clear I am different to the norm, so understand feeling different. If you are on a busy yard if people want to know what you are doing as it will be different, just say I am learning from the horse.  You will never have to hold a whip again when riding if you learn from the horse. 

Keep us updated you are doing really well!  I hope the above makes sense.

Mel 
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