As I wrote the above, I forgot to mention that the mare is 5 years old.

Hi,
I would like to see you take lessons, (riding or driving) with a less volitile horse to regain your comfort and confidence. Kelly Makrs has a wonderful book called "How to have Complete Confidence with Horses." Also, Monty has a dvd called "Perfect Match" very helful to outline things to consider before purchasing a horse.
In the mean time, I do not believe your age is a factor- I beleive your discontent has to do with the lack of recent experience, guided by a professional. Please find someone with more experience to help you. Do not endanger yourself anymore. As we train our horses incrementally we must do the same with ourselves. Go slowly, get help.
Good luck!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. You are right, I should be taking some lessons myself and seeking a experienced trainer. I was putting the cart before the horse so to say?

I definitely will look into the book and DVD you recommended also.

Thanks again!

Hello, I am in a similar situation. I have no experience with horses. I asked one of the cowgirls at our cowboy church to teach me to ride after my boyfriend went into treatment for alcoholism (1 year ago)and asked me to care for his 16 year old mare and her barely green broke 4 year old colt. The colt cow kicked me while he was gone and put an end to my running for 3 months. I was petrified yet determined not to let it get the best of me! I took lessons and rode the 16 year old all last year and that built my confidence. This year I started working with the now 5 year old. Our despooking is going slow also. The older mare I turn to for a confidence builder.

Hi pleasantrunpeddlers,

I just wanted to chime in with richandi, who gave excellent advice. Go slow and find expertise help to build your own knowledge and confidence so you can be a good and just leader for your horse. That's what will help her the most.

Hi Pleasantrunpeddlers,
I have recently bought a yearling, although I have very little riding experience and never trained a horse.
However, I am currently taking weekly riding lessons at a riding school, and have a 'Kelly Marks Recommended Assosiate trainer' visit once a week to help guide and train me how to train my yearling.
We take everything very slowly and break it down into small steps. We have been doing leading and halter trading, leg handling, and are only just getting onto touching with a quilt. We started 5 weeks ago, and I am enjoying every minute.
It is so encouraging and rewarding knowing that I am doing things the right way, without any violence involved.
I strongly urge you to get help and support from a trainer, and continue with the riding lessons. It will give you back your confidence and you will start to enjoy it.

Hi, everyone! but in particular Pleasanttrunpeddlers
I am 55 and never rode more than twice a week for three Summer months but I always knew I would have my own horse and finally I do. I got a 5/6 month old filly because I felt that if we "grew" together I would feel more confident around her. I was right. She trusts me completely and although she is growing fast and now,at 2 years old, she weighs about 350kilos I am confident with her although trying to remember that she has 4legs and is a wild creature. A Spanish version of a mustang....
I have read some of Monty´s books and try to soak in all I read and see here, at the uni. I have no one expert to turn to because people in general tend to think it´s a crazy thing to get into "having a horse" with all it entails at my age and with no experience. But I tell you what.... The Q&As here, all the comments in this forum and Shy Boy´s story have given me an insight into my Willow´s psiche that many trained horsepeople I have known would´nt dream of because they don´t see horses the way Monty does. In my case, for the time being, I can only be patient and gentle, always talking and caressing. As monty keeps saying, horses already know the language and if there is love between us and our horses they understand a lot more than we realise. Love is the answer after all.
Good luck!
Christy

The reason your horse didn't like the towel could be because you didn't get your timing right. Sometimes we have to start with a 'small scary object' and work up to the big one.

As well as Perfect Confidence, Kelly Mark's first book Perfect Manners is one I think all horse owners should have. It has a set of Foundation Exercises in it that enable you to establish trust and control with your horse on the ground, that will boost your confidence and your horse's confidence in you.

Keep safe and keep trying and soon you'll realise how much you have achieved.

Hi, I am 46 & bought my first horse last year - a 6 month old filly who is amazing. She is a lifetime dream come true!
It is fab to read about other 'first timers'in similar situations!

I had really limited horse experience before I bought her although I have always loved horses & ridden when I could. I have found that the last six months have been such a steep learning curve & I agree that it is really important to have proper professional help with a young horse. There is so much to learn & it is so easy to make mistakes without even knowing!

Many people have asked me why I didnt buy an older schoolmaster that I could ride now - I can see the logic in this & can only say that it wasn't for me - I really wanted to understand her through her growing up & development & learning processes.
There are times when I feel scared by her - she seems huge now & isn't always well behaved. I have huge crashes in confidence & have to read and read & ask for help in order to get over the set backs & sort out a way forward. But I suppose that is part of the journey & she is such a huge part of my life now I can't imagine being without her!

I wish all of you other 'crazy' mature owners the best times with your horses !

Hi everybody. I am having a lot fun ready these comments and would like to let you know that I am a little more experienced as I have attended the advanced class last year at Flag is Up Farms and have been studying Monty's methods for years - but I have never had my own horse. I am looking for a horse now to make that dream come true and beleive me, experienced or not, I will be excited like hell when it will have happend and she or he is standing there in front of me and I will hope to do everything right and not forget anything I have learned during the last years. Well, I will make mistakes and I will learn from every single one ! I am 45 years old and hope to mount horses and work with them for many years comming ! I will keep you informed and read your news ! And I will be grateful for your good ideas when the time has come ! Good luck, VioBerlin

I think the trick for us who get our own horse at an older and hopefully wiser age is that we know what we want better and we also , because of this, have more patience. We can afford to be sweet to our horses and try and try again and again. With Willow it is so rewarding, every little thing we do it is as if she already knows it. As she trusts me I trust her. Now we have startde working with the Dually Halter (Great invention, Monty! such help!!)and even though it is a little step by a little step (because of circumstances) Willow seems to understand that this "thing" I insist -gently - on putting on her although it is just to go out to the field where I take it off again, is important for our relationship. I feel she "knows" we are working on something. Am I silly to believe this?
The first day I put it on and walked her out of her stable, when she tried to over take me and I held firm she walked in circles around me. I hadn´t stopped and stood in front of her and made her back up to where I wanted her (trying to find my sweet spot). It was funny because if it had been a cartoon you would have seen a bubble over Willow´s head with the following: "Come on, speak clearly, I know you can do it". I managed to get her to the field and yesterday i was mor clear in my "orders" when she tried to over take me, I stopped, got infront and pulled the line back. She backed up quite nicely and didn´t overtake me again. In a little while I shall go and put it on and bring her out into a lovely Fall afternoon.
Hope you laugh!
Christy

I love all these comments too from us "older" riders! I am 47 and my 10 year old daughter started riding last year. This re-activated my horse craziness from my childhood and now we have 2 beautiful horses. Sam's is a sensible 12 year old mare who is schooled to the hilt... my boy is a 5 year old green-broke gelding so we are learning together. It's amazing how much you think you knew way back when but when reality hits, you know nothing! I have been lucky to have found Monty and the support of more knowledgeable people around us!
Keep the dialogue coming.
Lindsay

Great feedback. I, too, have acquired my first at the age of 47. Yesterday I was ready to give-up. But, after reading everyone's comments I have a renewed sense of "go-get-'em." I have a horse who was retired from a therapy center, so I don't have any problems with spookiness or bonding. But, my guy is LAZY. Due to some physical issues I have put off riding him till yesterday. I couldn't even make him go. No amount of squeezing, kicking, tapping with a crop, leaning forward in my seat would make this bugger move. Needless to say my confidence went down to nothing.

I think what happens as we get older we start to expect too much of ourselves. I have all the patience in the world with my animals, but when something is amiss in training I become too hard on me. Maybe when we're faced with these challenges we need to take a deep breath, walk away, refocus and start at the beginning. Conquer the little things one step at time and eventually we'll reach our goal more smoothly and quickly. Pleasantrunpeddlers, don't give up. Something drew you to your horse, focus on that.

Maybe start with a kleenex and work your way up to the towel. Use it in your hand as you are petting her forhead, nose and around her eyes.

Instead of looking at horse through the lens of time-lines and goal, just relish in the bonding and love that you two can share just hanging out.

And, you do need a trainer. It will build your confidence. I personally like the ones who make me feel like a kid with lots of "good-jobs" and "way to goes." I always left my training time feeling a little taller.

Good luck.

What is it with all us middle aged women getting these horses.. LOL

I have some experience because as a girl I rode all I could, and anything I could. I owned two horses and trained both of them, but I had the luxury of youth on my side and they were both started very young, so we grew together.

I got married and had children, and now at 53 they are all grown, and have been wanting another horse. Turns out a family member has some horses, and one that he was about to take to auction because no on can do anything with her.

She is 9 yrs old and only been haltered once, wasn't pleasant. She has pretty much had the freedom of his farm all these years. I begged him not to send her to auction (which is pretty much to the dog food factory) and let me try to train her. Turns out I got her for Christmas.

Now the gravity of what I have has hit me. I live 1hr 45 minutes from her, so I don't get to see her but on occasional weekends. This past weekend I worked on getting her to allow me to touch her. Actually got to groom her a bit. However, in getting a little relaxed with her, I ended up with a nice bite to my shoulder. So now I am asking myself, what the heck am I at 53, with a virtually wild 9 yr old horse? I still can't get a halter on her. I am working on getting a round pen built, but wonder if I am crazy or not.

"but wonder if I am crazy or not."
Yes, you are - without doubt - crazy! *LOL* You are probably also just what this horse needs to become sane.
Wish you lots of patience and success with her! All fingers crossed you can get a join-up with her!!!

LOL-my husband is pretty sure I am crazy!
I am 49 yrs old. I rode quite a bit as a child, but have only been on the back of a horse twice since I left home at almost 18 to join the military. I married, had four children (I left active duty to raise my kids and joined the ranks of "military wife"). Last year, after following him all over the world for nearly 30 years, first with the military, then in the mission field (4 years in Africa and 2 1/2 in Germany, and moving every 3-4 years of my adult life, my husband said he was ready to buy that farm I'd always wanted and settle down.
Well, the first thing I wanted on our new farm was a horse! I took a few riding lessons, just to get "back in the saddle", then heard about a 14 hand (m/l) 11 year old Quarterhorse mare. I had always dreamed of having a buckskin Quarterhorse mare...and that just what she happened to be. It was love at first sight! I rode her several times at her farm before taking the plunge. Then I brought her home.
She suddenly became a different horse. She didn't want to let me get on her, threw her head around when I did, and I had to "force" her to do what I wanted her to do. I became very intimidated by her. Eventually she threw me. I had never been thrown off a horse in my life.Since then, I have lost my nerve even to groom her.
But I love her so much and I am determined to make this work. I am slowly building up my courage to handle her again. Today I had to separate her from the donkey, then halter her to prepare her to get her vaccinations. My hands shook, but she was such a good girl. She, for the first time since coming to our farm, did not try to get away when I was putting the halter on her. Lately she has been putting her head over the fence and letting me love on her. She seems to be telling me that she is ready for a relationship. It is like she has decided to reach out to me. My success with her this morning has made me feel like I really can do this. One step at a time.
My husband does not understand my obsession. He would have had me sell her. But I won't give up.

Thank you ladies for all of your input and your stories about being a "mature" rider. My husband thinks that I am crazy for wanting my own horse, I never lost the love for horses. I feel so young when I go to the barn, like a young girl. I know that this love of horses has not changed in 58 years and never will leave me. Thanks again for letting me know that I am not crazy. Maggie Evans

I don't think any of you are crazy and actually think that sometimes when you hook up with horses at a later stage, then you have the benefit of wisdom.

I also think that it's great that everyone has found their love of horses later in life and why not!!!!

I am 36 and have owned my horse for six months now. I rode a bit as a child but always had recurring dreams about riding through the countryside. Well now they are no longer dreams but reality and I truly can't imagine a life without horses.

My horse is just 5 and like a lot of you on here he has tested me with awful ground manners. I have done some join up and just started last week doing ground work following Monty's methods of controlling his movements in an arena. My horse does not like to stand still but already there is a huge improvement. So my advice, like others is persevere, keep reading, seek help but most importantly keep safe.

Good luck and my admiration for not giving up.

Take care x

Hi all, I'm 40 live in the UK and have wanted a horse my whole life, had quite a lot of lessons a few years ago but I couldn't quite get the instructors to understand that I wanted not just to learn to ride but understand the horses behaviour, what was I doing that made things worse. To be honest the English instructors looked at me like I was mad, then I saw and episode of Monty's programme on sky and WOW, I havn't looked back. Now ride western have my own horse and we are using Monty's methods with success. We are still on a learning curve as my confidense is lacking but I'm getting there. We have some major loading issues so instead of pushing her ahead with loading with my inexperience we have gone back to basics and building up from the start.
Sadly only one Monty certified instructer in Scotland and I can't afford her. Never mind with the help of the on line uni and this forum I will get there eventually.

Hi everyone, i'm 41 and live in Devon, UK. I fell in love with horses little more than 9 months ago when begged by my horse mad 7yr old son to come ride with him. I was terrified. After losing 6stone ( i couldn't in all conscience place my bulk on a horse), i took a lesson on an 18hand black gelding- nearly died of fright and embarrassment, but at the end of 30mins i was hooked. My partner felt the same after i got him on a horse the week after! We now own a 5yr old gelding Welsh Cob, he's got a lovely temperament and is fantastic...but....we bought him with no knowledge of a hip problem and he bucked off my partner and rodeoed me off breaking two ribs and shattering my confidence. 6 weeks later and with help from my local stables and a brilliant osteopath for my horse, we are back in the saddle and doing brilliantly. I'm beginning to trust him again. Saw Monty on Friday, spoke to Kelly about what's happened and got lots of good advice and most importantly encouragement that we are doing the right thing.
Just never give up hope...i honestly believe there are no bad horses, just learned responses to bad or unknowledgable owners. And yes, i am counting myself in the unknowledgable owner's there...i should have had more experience before buying a 5 year old....but love at first sight is difficult to control!
Monty's methods work as long as we apply them properly. Time, patience and perserverence will be repaid in full measure....just gather up your courage and know that this will get better and you will achieve your dreams as you both learn together.

Hi everyone who's mad enough to want a horse in later years lol I am 56 years old. I have not ridden since I was a young teenager. I have just adopted a 4year old New Forest 14.2 from my daughter who is now expecting her 4th child. I have asked myself many times why I am putting myself through the anxiety and stress as he is very forward and unpredictable, when in trot he goes into a very fast canter leaving me hanging onto his mane as I am terrifed of falling off. I love him to bits and dont want to part with him I have started having lesson's once a week hoping to gain more confidence and learn how to slow my pony down when he bolts. It helps reading all your comments knowing that I am not alone in my quest of born again childhood. To the lady who cant get her horse to go try one of Monty's giddy ups

Hi, I am 50 and live in New Zealand and have bought a wild horse from one of the high country sheep stations. She arrived on a cattle truck and completely ignored the nice ramp we had set up for her and lept to the ground, looked around and then it was head down to eat! This was back in February, since then I have built some yards with a crush. Following Monty's DVD "You and your wild horse" I set about training her last Sunday. getting her in the crush for the first time was a little hairy but I managed. Then following Monty's instructions I set about desensitising her. After a short time she was really relaxed and let me touch her al over. Taking it easy and not rushing her I have found that she will let me know if I am going to fast for her, she just stops co-operating! So we have a rest or do something different then come back to what ever it was we were ding before with a completely different result! Take your time and listen to your horse, it's easy. Have fun, both of you.

hi, reading about your experiences is begining to make me wonder if there is hope for my irish draught mare. i have had her for 16 years and have probably ridden her about that many times. last time 4 years ago. she is so spooky it has eaten away at my confidence. she can be equally difficult to handle on the ground, sometimes i can't even work out what has set her off. in july this year she produced a beautiful foal and is an amazing mother to stanley. while she was expecting her attitude changed, how can i keep her like this and not changing back into psycho mare. i would love to ride her again is 16 yrs to late to retrain? ps i am 50 too.

This section should be tittled "Ther Learning Elders"!
Further above, I wrote about my Willow and starting work with the Dually. I have just read all the comments after mine and I think I was right to stop putting the Dually on and tsking it off as I was just taking her out and postpone training until next Spring. And my reasoning is.... I know so little that sometimes it is like going blindly about things so I stop and go back to juts being "loving/trusting partners" while I learn a bit more.... Willow is also establishing her own character and is about a "teenager", sometimes "testing". We both know I am the leader but still I notice when she isn´t too happy with something. I am extremely lucky that she is such a gentle, sweet and true animal but I feel I go two steps forward and one step back because I donñt know enough. Do you know this feeling?
Everything I read helps and is like a bulb in my brain: Why didn´t I think of that? She lets me wipe off her whole face but I am still wary of combing her tail thoroughly or picking her feet to get her used to it. Also, the more I learn the more I see myself doing with her next Spring (she´ll be 3 then) and I wonder whether I am stalling or being wise listening to instinct..... Any comments from the other Elders? My maple tree is losing her leaves and there is one very suple branch I had thought of leaving only three or four leaves at the tip , like a hand, and pass it all over her body, over, under and around her legs and tail.... I hope that helps for when I try to pick her feet up to see her soles because I haven´t yet!
Thanks, all of you and keep it up, I do! and it is rewarding.....
Good Autmun! (here wet and windy and getting cold!)
Christy