Lisa
My guess is your mare feels abandoned by the alpha mare and it is playing havoc with her head. There must have been a special bond between the two horses and that bond is now broken. She needs to establish a new bond, either with you or another horse. It would be unusual for a mare to inherit being the alpha mare simply because the other mare is gone. Usually there is a "fight" for dominance and it could be that no horse is alpha yet and that is also upsetting her.
Going back to basics is the right move. I would continue with join up follow up. Make sure that you do a complete join up and not an abbreviated one just because you get all the signals early. If you can find a round pen that she has never been in that would also help. Once you get a good solid join up do your follow up letting your horse start to relax. Use a stick with a plastic bag on it to desensitize her. Even though you may have don e this before, you are starting the process all over again.
I would then spend some time just grooming her particularly around the withers and head.
One you feel that she has bonded with you take her on the trail with another horse, gelding possible, and let the other horse lead the first half and then move the mare up when returning. IF she gets spooky again keep the other horse closer to her and if needed let the other horse lead for a while. Repeat the exercise slowly letting the mare take over

Watch you herd of horse particularly when they are laying down for a nap. Which ever horse is not laying down but is standing close to the others should be the alpha horse and is should be a mare. If your mare is the only one then it could be a problem if she down not want to be boss. Usually a gelding will not assume that position. If that is the case let us know so maybe someone will have a suggestion on how to solve that problem. In the mean time you need to establish yourself as your mares alpha.
Cheers

Funny you should mention the bond with another horse...since the alpha mare left she has become very attached to my gelding. He stands in the field and cries and cries until she returns. It is extremely distracting and he can be heard wherever we go on the trails. I really felt yesterday when riding her that she was desparate to get back to him, even though we were riding with a different gelding and my other mare. She became so rediculous on the ride and no matter what I did I could not settle her or relax her. So I opted to get off and it did some ground work with her out on the trail. My dad, who is an experienced rider, but a little old school thought I was crazy to get off. But I did not feel safe on her back. I am concerned because it has been suggested that because I climbed off, she will form this habit to get me off of her when she no longer wants to work. In my defence I did work her hard from the ground with lots of back ups and circles and stops. I also made her complete the entire trail with me on the ground leading her. I even walked her through the scariest part of the trail and she did eventually relax. But she kept trying to hide behind me everytime she got scared. She is definately the top mare now. The other horses all bow to her, and she is in with 6 other horses. Could she be on heightened awareness now that she has a new role to play in her herd?

Hi Lisa,
When a horse is scared, adrenalin is up, so learning is down.
You have all right in the world if you dismount from your mare, when you don't feel safe on her back. Your ardrenalin would only add to hers. Her awareness is high, now that she has a role that is too big for her. Don't let anyone talk you into being a hero!
As Dennis wrote, the best chance you have to settle her is for you to become her alpha mare. This might take some time and quite some work, but would give all of you a better situation.
Could you ride the trail with someone riding the gelding she's calling for? Maybe she feels safer when he's around. Should this work better, you'll have to find a new balance with her, before starting to ask more. Eventually, she'll have to learn to take the trail without him, but first she needs to settle down.
Could you back her up from the saddle, when she's playing crazy? She knows it from the ground, take it up into the saddle.
Stay safe and keep us posted.
Miriam

Hi Miriam and Dennis,

Thank you so much for your input! Yes, my husband rides the gelding and when he goes out she is a little more relaxed. However then she fights to be in the lead and throws her head around when he overtakes her. Funny enough, Big George (our gelding) is usually determined to be in the lead. He was also distraught when the other horse left and he was covered in marks the next day. He looked very battle weary the next day indeed! His role in the herd has always been the first officer! Lol. Now that these two have the Captain and first officer roles they can't bear to be apart. Will this settle down as they become more use to the loss of the original Alpha? I have gone through this before with George but he settled down in a few weeks. It definately seems more challenging with the mare. In order to become the Alpha with my mare do I just continue to do join up and follow up? How often do you do join up and how close together do you do each join up?

Hi Lisa,

Going through Join-up/Follow-up, I would do 5, at most 6 sessions, if possible on following days. Each session will be more fluid and she should relax more and more.
Most of all: give her something to do and think about. Do you longline her?
You can do a lot of groundwork too, if you want to settle your role as her leader.
Did you watch the lessons on leading on this Uni yet? Watch how all horses accept their handler as their leader after 3x 20 minutes of training. There are so many things one can do to establish the hyrarchie between horse and handler. Do you use a Dually-halter? Another tool that can help you a lot, if you use it as it's designed.
Keep in touch,
Miriam

Lisa
Miriam is correct that you don't want to do more than 6 join ups. A coupe of suggestions you might try before you go out on the trail. Walk your horse in either the round pen or better yet if you have a pasture without any horses walker her there with you in the saddle After about a few minuter of walking stop and make her stand still. You will need to be as relaxed as you can be. Then ask her to back 5 or 6 step and stand again. Walk on and repeat after 10 minutes or so and do the same backing and standing. If she backs but will not stand walk her forward in a large circle and stop back her and make her stand. I don't know how much training your mare has but I also have my horse do a side pass as well as back. The side pass should be done on both sides.
These exercises will teach your mare that you are in charge and she needs to pay attention to you and where her feet are. If she acts up turn her so her rear end is moving away from you (circle) As long as their rear is moving away from you they cannot buck or rear. Horses will generally settle down after that. Also placing your hand on her neck and rubbing down to her withers also has a calming effect on the horse.
Good luck and have fun with your mare. Don't make it work for either of you and stay as relaxed and patient as possible

Cheers

Hi Miriam and Dennis,

So I returned to join up again with my mare and she really did challenge me today I had a really hard time getting her to release. She was determined to stand her ground. I eventually got her to go, but it was interesting that her instinct was to stand her ground and not flee. We were able to complete join up and do the follow up. But I am concerned with how hard it was to get her to release. Any suggestion? I took the advice from the last posting about my body language and the 45 degree angle, however she kept moving to get me out of the 45 degree angle. I wondered today if she's ever been in a bad situation with someone doing ground work....and if this was her way of protecting herself. Once I finally got to follow up I took her to the outdoor riding ring and she continued follow up with me out there.

She is definately a puzzle, because I can tell she wants to be with me. Upon first meeting in the morning she comes to meet me in the field and she follows me in without a lead. We board our horses and she's already been fed so I know it is not a food conditioned response.

I should also say that she did try to threaten me by snaping at the air... I reacted very fast with the traing stick held high and out to the side and screeched at her which scared her enough that she releaseed. But I was worried for a moment that she would strike out at me trying to put me below her in the pecking order. Did I do the right thing making myself big like that? I'm not a very agressive person but I couldn't let her win that battle. She has never been agressive, this whole alpha mare thing has really thrown her for a loop. She's acting like she doesn't know what to do...ie. "I'm the leader in the field but why not with the humans?"

Hi Lisa,
If sending your mare away becomes difficult, I suggest you change strategy for a while. Why don't you get a ropehalter and a long leadline and some plastic on a stick. Try to make her go in small circles around you by wiggling the stick behind her. As soon as she moves, stop wiggling and this way reward her for doing what you ask of her. Your impuls can become smaller and smaller, as she becomes more responsive to your signals. Body language is still very important, you will take that with you when the moment comes to go back to the send-off like in the Join-up. Most problems are a lack of understanding, try to comunicate very clearly what you want her to do. I have seen Monty use this technique with a Gypsy-horse that didn't want to move, well he did! Later Monty could longline the gelding without a problem. Taking a step back sometimes makes way for progress.
The entity that moves the others feet is in charge....
Good luck!
Miriam

HI ALL I HAVE A QUESTION ON FEEDING TIME OSCAR IS 11MTHS IS IT TO MUCH TO ASK OF HIM TO STAND AND WAIT WITH A LEAD ROPE THEN RELEASE WHEN HE HAS STOOD I THINK I HAVE SET UP A CHALLENGING BEHAVIOUR AS HE IS BECOMING PUSHY! THANKS UNICORN

Hi Unicorn,
Monty has a very good answer on the UNI about feeding an aggressive mare.
If you follow this advice now you will have no problems later.
Go to the dash board and I believe it is the third one down on the far left colume.
Click there and read and you will find it very informative.
As Monty says, "feed the stall".
Have a good day,
Ronda