Vicci, you asked and I tell. Beamer and his half sister Ebony came under my care in May of 2009 when I was 17 and my father walked out. They were both 8 at that time, and had been broke (or someone attempted to break them) about 5 years previous, and had not been ridden much since. I was very green on a very green horse that is still not afraid to express himself. I had enough previous riding experience to fill a thimble. I had only spent a few minutes here and there with them before. I began to lead and ride them both, but more Beamer than Ebony. As naive as I was, I did as I was told to by those who still choose to use more traditional methods. Beamer responded ok, but it never felt like I was making progress. One day he would ride like a dream, and the next time I rode him you would think that he had never been ridden before. Time passed, and in 2011 my father decided to do something that was very hard on both me and Beamer and that was to take Ebony. Since May of 2011, Beamer has been alone, except when my grandfather's beef are at pasture, as they share a fenceline. His reaction to me is still the same rollercoaster as it was in 2009. One time I go out to his pasture and he will nicker at me like what you would hear between 2 horse that are very close to one another or between a mare and her foal, and a few hours later I might return and he won't even glance up from his hay or his gazing into the distance at me. And to add to my utter confusion, he may nicker at me, and as soon as I come close to him, he will take a bite at me. To pile more confusion on top, it's not predictable. I cannot see a pattern to his behavior, relating to anything from the time of day to the phases of the moon to the weather. The time that passes between my visits does not appear to have any affect either. I can go out there every few hours or be gone a week and he seems not to care. He for the most part seems to ignore me (contrary to what my profile picture may portray). The possibility that I just might not be the right person for him has started to enter my mind... and that is something that I have a hard time dealing with. He is the one that tamed me, and taught me patience, and many other lessons, and after his bout with (I believe) mechanical laminitis last year, I just can't see where to go. I'm running out of ideas to get started on my relationship with him. I have seen the work of many other natural horsemen (and horsewomen), and see the results of working with patience and understanding, and of letting a horse express themself and openly choose to work with you, but as to where to start, I am at an almost complete loss.
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Soul, what a heart-wrenching post! I feel that I need to respond to you but I don't know where to start. I will offer what little advice I do have, and hopefully someone else will be able to offer more help!
Would it be possible that you are the "pattern to his behaviour"? What had you just done prior to the times when you went to see him and he seemed aloof? What about when he seemed pleased, or angry? Could he be picking up on your vibes? Even if you came across as happy to him, were you truly otherwise?
What have you done in the way of join-up?
Is there any possible way you could get Ebony back? It's obviously very distressing for horses to be alone. How often do you see Beamer? (How often, exactly, does he interact with people/animals?) Is getting another horse an option? Or a companion animal.
Do you know if Beamer might have been exposed to a traumatic event? Perhaps he might have PTSD? A little far-fetched possibly, but I'm just throwing it out there. Does he seem suddenly irritable? Flashes of anger? Have difficulty concentrating? Is he hypervigilant and easily spooked at times?
I hope that's some food for thought. One thing I know for sure is that you needn't despair :) because
time + montyrobertsuniversity = success :D
So many questions, but here we go; I will give the best answers I can.
Could I be the pattern to his behavior? That is very possible, but if that is the case, I have some work to find out what about me is influencing his behavior.
As to what I have done prior to his being aloof? I noticed no pattern there as to the activities affecting his mood.
As far as join up? I made 2 attempts, beginning in January and both times I failed miserably (and heard plenty about it from him.) He seemed to look down on me more for a few days following that.
To get Ebony back? There is nothing I can legally do as far as that goes.
I usually spend 15 minutes or so with him around 8 or so in the morning before life takes me to the fast lane, and once I return at 1:00 AM the following morning, I spend at least 40 minutes with him(and sometimes and hour and a half if I loose track of time :) ) Outside of me, unless the beefers are out at pasture, that is the only contact that he has with anything or anyone else that I am aware of.
It is rather disappointing, considering he is only about 100 feet from the house and my sister (who is supposedly the horse guru of the family with all of the posters, pictures, wallpaper, books ect) and she makes that journey about 3 times a year.
Getting him a pasture buddy? Horses in and of themselves are touchy subjects here at home, but I am working on that front with 2 objectives, and that is to try to obtain a buddy for him (a local rescue ranch has one that is free right now and was injured but supposedly healed) and the other front is to actually achieve ownership of Beamer himself.
As to the PTSD, it may be because he was chased by an emu in about 2004 but that seems to be something that he has worked through. He was at that time, but over the years he seems to have calmed down and worked through it..
Yes, I said emu. Very aggressive creatures, and not really something you would expect from a large bird.
Hi Soul
Yes, emus can be aggressive!
Ok, this is a complicated situation; I feel there are two roads you can go down, neither is right or wrong in anyones opinion other than your own.
One road is to make time to spend with Beamer - the schedule you have is punishing for yourself physically and emotionally and it is impossible to give our best to horses after working 15 hours a day. To echo eternals thoughts and without wanting to get too deeply into analysing you etc. I would suggest that, as the saying goes, Beamer is acting as your mirror. You mention that he has taught you to be calm, to be patient, etc. but the one thing you both mirror in each other, I suspect, is an inability to trust and a non belief that thing will be safe. Your Dad walked out on you with no warning, then three years later took Ebony away from you and Beamer (and while horses get over their companions being removed and learn to live alone its not ideal) and from what I can see you do not fully 'own' Beamer so there is a possibility your Dad could suddenly decide to take him too. so sub-consciously the risk of "giving yourself over" to Beamer may be too great. If you are to win Beamers trust you need to accept the situation fully (and all the potential grief and sorrow that could lead ot if dad does take him) and spend more quiet, quality time with him (not just at the beginning and ends of the day). Leading, going for a walk, grooming etc etc. and build up a RELATIONSHIP before looking at the functional things.
So the second road: Maybe you are right. Maybe you and Beamer are not suited. This happens. I have had a client who cried with relief when I told her he is the wrong horse for her. He know has a great new home and she now has a great new horse and everyone is happy. The lessons Beamer has given you are precious and deciding to part company with him is not a failure (though I know it will be sad). Accept the journey you have taken together, and think about your next journey with a horse that is truly your own.
Please please think very carefully about getting this rescue horse: I am not sure you are ready for one with a past injury (even if it is free!) and with all the things you are going through at the moment. Take some time to think where you are going. I wish you well Soul and truly hope that things work out how they are supposed to.
Wise words from Vicci, yet again :)
I know exactly what you mean about the bloody emu! They scare the crap out of me lol! In year 7 (so ~13-14 years old) I used to have to feed the emus at school. I think we had 3 of them (seemed like dozens at feeding time). I had to push my way into the small paddock at lunch time with a big bowl of seed in one hand that I could barely hold up, and they would crowd around me, towering above me and peck ferociously at the seed and push me around lol. I swear to God if I had've looked at them the wrong way they would have pecked my eye out in an instant! So yeah I can definitely symathise with Beamer on that one, the poor boy!
Vicci really hit the nail on the head when she said that believing that your horse isn't the right one for you is not a failure. That goes for everyone, myself included. If, however, you truly believe that he is the right horse for you, can I suggest that you try joining up again. Be patient with the both of you & don't give up (expect and hope for success yet be prepared for it to take a while!). When you see Monty do his join-ups, remember that you (/us) and Monty are like apples and oranges (or however the saying goes)- Monty makes sure that he has everything going in his favour physically, environmentally and mentally for both horse and human before he does a join-up, plus he has a gazillion join-ups of experience! Thus, Monty can reasonably create a goal for himself to get a first saddle, bridle and rider on in 30 minutes. Now, Soul, are you saying that you work all day until all hours of the night?! Not to mention the emotional strains that you touched on. If I were you I would not be disheartened that I haven't yet achieved join-up. There are so many facets to a relationship with one's horse, and so many hurdles to overcome on the way to join-up that sometimes we didn't even realise the hurdle was there or how big it was until we got over it! Think of the hurdles that you've already overcome with Beamer (yes, there are probably some backward steps in there but everyone has them. Don't dwell on them- it won't do you any good!). Let the little successes inspire you.
So, like I said before, attempt join-up again, but make join-up your long-term goal- make your increments smaller! You might call it a successful day if the only thing you got out of him was a head turn to you. The next day, you might call it a success if you got one voluntary step towards you (even if he might then run away, lol). Don't get disheartened if you don't get join-up- be objective and ask yourself if this attempt was better than the previous one. You might even call it a success if your most recent attempt was no worse than your previous one! Just don't be too hard on yourself because you have to evaluate yourself relative to your circumstances, if that makes sense.
Oh, and if you decide to practise join-up with Beamer, just make sure that you don't do join-ups exclusively nor for too long. If you haven't got anywhere for 5-7 minutes, too bad, you'll have to try again later. Don't push it and push it because then he will really resent the activity.
So have a serious think about what Vicci said. Whatever your decision, I'm sure you'll have Beamer's interests at heart :) We're all rooting for you, and good luck with whatever you choose to do :)
-Student :D
Your comments have been most helpful and appreciated. Beamer and I are going to stick it out for the time being and I will see how things begin to progress once I am done with school in May. After that I won't have to be at school and work for 60 hours a week. And just for the record, yes I do go from 8am to 2am the next morning and have been doing it since August. I recommend not doing this if it can be helped, as it catches up with a person regardless of your age. ;)
So much school and work time leaves little gas in the motor for your full attention and emotional well being. Be gentle with yourself and Beaker, I agree you may have issues together but with your current load, the time to really work on them is not now. Spend time when you can hanging out with Beamed and look forward to May. Good luck.
It's been a short while, so here is an update.
Beamer and I have made a surprising (or shocking) amount of progress in such a short period of time. I received a suggestion from a person who has much more experience with horses than I that I should start to bring him a treat on a fairly regular basis. I know what Monty says about this, as he says that it causes biting tendencies. I have found it to do the exact opposite in my case; it decreased biting tendencies. I do not bring him something every time I go and visit with him. I have also been spending some more time with him after I get home (even though it is far from ideal, it's all I can do for the moment), and it is all paying off. Beamer now pays attention to where I am just about anytime he can see me, and he almost always calls out to me whenever I approach. And as of 4 days ago, he started to make the effort to approach me without me calling him in any way, and has only not done that twice since. Previously, I had commented on him biting me. Since then, the biting has almost completely subsided. In the last week, he only nipped me lightly once, and it did not seem to be aggressive in any way. I can handle that.
On an interesting note, he does still have moments when he seems to be suddenly distant, and then comes back, like someone who has a sudden deep thought or flashback during a conversation. Watching where he tends to look at times like this, I am very much convince that he is still missing Ebony...
There might not be rest for the weary, but eventually there is reward.
I am so pleased that you are making progress, so good to hear
Hey Soul - all horses are different and respond to varying training methods. Find what works for each individual and go with it. At times there are no hard and fast rules as all horses do have different personalities and needs. Best of luck and hope Beamer continues to progress. Cheers Jan
Well done Lost Soul!! Naturally I am impressed and pleased that you have resorted to treats as I have always found they worked for me and yes I too found they helped to reduce aggression and biting in a scared horse. I think it is good that you don't give him a treat evertime and I try to train my horses not to look for the treat but to keep their heads away until they are given one. I also usually only give them their treat after they have their halter on if I am using treats to catch them. As griffo says every horse is different and you do need to judge the personality of the horse before you resort to treats. Tricka gets treats but she probably shouldn't as she has a fairly dominant, cheeky personality. I am extra mindful with her in how she receives the treat. My shetland, Chester never gets treats from my hand as he is handled by my grandchildren. Here again like horses every trainer is different and have their own views and personalities - Monty is no exception. I totally respect Monty and value his methods and advise but I retain my individuality to differ with him in respect to treats.