Hello all, I have a problem that I am trying to work out and was hoping to get some strategies that would help me. My issue is, I am a total horse-aholic and finally being back in to the horsey game I tend to get very tense (due to excitement, happiness, and a bit of fear). In my younger years of riding I was taught with a more aggressive approach (ie: spurs, crops, a slap if needed :( ) I am not proud of that at all, but at the young age that I was, knew no better. As I've grown and matured, I have felt I want to approach my horses differently, and came across Monty. I purchased my horse this past fall and she's such a sweet heart. My issue is, for example, last night, I brought her in the barn brushed her etc. Then took her out to the front lawn to eat some grass (our grass has not really started to grow as the snow has just melted). Anyways, I noticed as I was standing there, that my knees where quivering and I was extremely tense. I felt relaxed, but really, I wasn't. This is the first time I've really ever noticed that. I know it was due to excitement on my part. Does anyone have any relaxation technique that they could suggest besides just taking a deep breath? (I probably haven't worded exactly what it is that I'm feeling, it's hard to express something that I don't quite understand why it happens.....)
Thanks, :)
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Good morning corbengra,
Do not be dicouraged. Many of us have things in our past that we wish we did not do and hindsight is 100%, right?
I have PTSD and suffer from anxiety attacks that come out of no where and I cannot control them.
Because of this I do a lot of relaxation techniques. Here are some that help me.
1. I do a form of breathing that is practised by people with ashma. You breath through your mouth, dip your chin, hold to the count of 8 and hum as you exhale through your mouth. (do this as many times as you can in what ever position is comfortable for you)
2. Find a pilates starter program on youtube and do that. It helps one to relax and you get the benefit of a strong core.
3. There are many on the UNI who practise yoga, this is very relaxing.
4. Thi-chi is also very relaxing. Especially when practised outside.
5. Stretching, really strethcing, before you go around a horse releases endorphins into you system and this causes you to become relaxed.
There are many more things you can do to help you to relax. Sometimes just leaning on a fence and watching a horse can relax us as well.
These are some of the things that help me and I hope they will help you too.
Have a good day.
Ronda
Star, what is PTSD? I was surprised, because I was standing there thinking how peaceful it was watching her eat the fresh green sprouts, when I realized how tense I was!
Hi Corbengra,
I believe PTSD is post traumatic stress syndrome. I'm not tense around horses however something that has helped me is I heard Monty talk about how he taught himself to breath through his diaphragm (belly breathing) this brings the heart rate down. I put this into practice a few weeks ago when I was asked to start playing the organ in church, something I'd never done before and I was so nervous my hands were shaking and my heart was racing out of my chest. After the first song I remembered Monty talking about this type of breathing to bring down his heart rate and I put it into practice. It worked very quickly and I found I was able to concentrate and play without any problems. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to relax, muscle by muscle, breath slowly and relax our mind. I also found when I first bought our horses I was nervous about the responsibility of owning a horse and this may be true for you too, but this anxiety fades as you get used to having them around. Try not to be anxious about being anxious if that makes sense. Ronda has also given good idea's to help. Something else you might consider is meditation, this really helps to relax the mind and body.
Good luck,
Kleinne
Thanks Kleinne, I will definitely focus MORE on my breathing. As for the responsibility of owning a horse, we have had horses (draft) on our farm since I first met my hubby almost 20years ago. 14 at one point..and not one of them MINE! Also, my daughter has been showing for 2 years now and has 4 of her own. My focus was always on raising my kids and as time flew past I sort of fell into the "oh, everyone ELSE is lucky to have horses but me"...well, enough was enough! I FINALLY went and bought my own :) heehee For many stupid reasons, that I don't understand myself, I kept putting off buying a horse. Anyways, I could go on and on about that. I finally realized, that if I didn't buy one, I'd never have one...
I totally get the "anxious about being anxious" I think sometimes, I'm trying to HARD to relax, I'm actually tensing myself up? I have NO idea how to do meditation. Is there any good websites to read about it? :)
Star, I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from PTSD....I bet being around your horse really helps :)
Corbengra,
I saw this guy on Dr Oz, I don't know if you know who he is but this video is on his website and I thought it might be helpful to you. He gives a quick explanation about meditation and a couple of different meditation techniques that I thought were really cool. Check it out.
http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/deepak-chopra-meditation
PTSD is Post traumatic stress disorder, not syndrome sorry about that.
Dear corbengra,
Many doctors have told that horses are what saved me. I would be much worse if not for horses.
I am very relaxed around animals but especially around horses.
The above has helped me to be calm around them and I think they appreciate it.
I also find listening to Monty's voice very relaxing. And watching videos of gentle horse trainers also helps.
I was out with Star a few minuets ago and she is a little monkey. Mmmmm, fresh grass, forget the grooming, I want grass.
I was able to do some work with her using Florian's liberty training. I wore my cowboy boots and that helpes so much with my balance.
I feel this training will help her to be calmer and stand still for her saddle.
Have a great day guys,
Ronda
Hi Corbengra,
So many good suggestions here, I would only like to add, that sometimes we don't realise that this huge animal might also arise fear, or at least respect in us. We think we own the situation, but have to admit, that this flightanimal at our side could get startled any moment, and before we know it, it does so, from our own tension! Letting a deep breath out communicates to the horse that everything is OK and there is nothing to be afraid of. Side effect of this deep breath out, is that you show yourself, that all is safe!
This is one of the reasons people tend to tell their horses how good they are, speaking forces you to breath out....
You'll get it!
Miriam
Kleinne, thank you for the link! I love Dr. Oz. I watched the video and thought it was so neat to FEEL my heart in my finger tips! I felt like I'd had a nice power nap :) I'm going to try to do that when I feel stressed...it felt really nice. Thank you!
star, I'm glad that you have found something that has helped you. There are so many people out there that don't get the chance to find something to help them heal. I'm very happy for you :) I know with all the stresses in my life right now, I desperately need to have my own horse in my life. Even though I felt so tense standing on the lawn with her, after I put her away, I felt like a million bucks! I really did miss working with horses. I just need to learn to relax while WITH her!
Miriam, thank you for your words. It got me seriously thinking. I realize, that even around my daughter's pony when he first came here, I remember feeling the same way? Weird. Now that I've worked around him for a few years, I am TOTALLY comfortable with him! I'm wondering if it's just a matter of getting to know Dee and learning to relax around her, feeling safe, knowing her as my friend, trusting? I tried the speaking to her, and felt that it did help calm me! I am one who tends to "think out loud", so atleast if I have a horse around me, people won't think I'm nuts!! :) Thanks all for your suggestions and help. I think this site is wonderful! (except a few things about the site that I think could be improved...) I think the info here is great and it's so comforting to know that there's someone to help you get moving in the right direction :) Much appreciated!
I'm glad you enjoyed the meditation video I thought it was really cool to be able to feel my heart beat in my finger tips too. You bring up a good point about getting to know your horse and becoming more comfortable around her, my neighbor brought a mare over for me to work with a couple of weeks ago and she was a very jumpy horse. I found myself feeling jumpy and nervous also, I told my husband afterwards I was really thankful for my own horses that are so calm. So I think your right in that once you become comfortable with each other things will be better.
Hi corbengra - I am so pleased that you finally went out and brought a horse for yourself. There is nothing like owning your own horse and like you I waited far too long before I bought one for myself. You mentioned that you are now totally relaxed around your duaghter's pony so I think your current concerns are because your mare is new to you and therefore an unknown. You are tensing up as you are not sure of how she is going to react to different new situations. I think this is quite normal when we first get a new horse because they are large, dangerous animals if they get spooked. Unfortunately horses will tend to pick up on our nervousness too so it is important to try to stay as relaxed as possible during this early getting to know each other period. So many good suggestions above for you. Certainly breathing is very important and I always find softly, calmly talking to my horse helps both me and the horse. When first riding a new horse that I am a little nervous of I will often whistle too as that forces you to blow the air out and breath. A mild relaxer such as Camomile Tea may help too but remember that we should never be too relaxed when introducing our new horse to new things. We need to be alert and observant so that we help our horse to accept the new surroundings especially if there is something scary to be accepted. I used to tell my students to treat the nervousness they experience prior to an important exam as a green light which is alerting their mind and getting them ready to perform to their best abilities. This nervousness only becomes a problem when it over rides their thinking and turns into a red light. Perhaps the same can be applied to our early experiences as first owners of a new horse. A little bit of nervousness is acceptable as it is keeping you alert and aware of our horse's reactions but too much nervousness is a problem and needs to be overcome by breathing, talking to our horse, thinking positively, doing relaxing exercises and perhaps some relaxing herbal remedies too. Good luck with it I am sure it will not be too long until you feel as comfortable with your new mare as you do with your daughter's pony.
Thank you MaggieF! I think you nailed it right on the head. I will just have to be patient, and spend lots of time with her so that we can build a relationship. I've been doing lots of ground work with her (because, believe it or not, that is when most of my uneasiness happens - I feel safer in the saddle) trying to build my confidence along with hers about each other. I guess only time will tell. I have been paying attention to how I feel around her and have noticed that when I do routine things, I am feeling calmer. I guess maybe I'M the one that needs some desensitizing!!! hahaha!!!! :) thanks again. It's such a comfort to have someone that understands me. My daughter, well, she's a fearless 15year old, my hubby just can't understand why I feel this way sometimes, and well, no one else around me is into horses, so they don't really care :)
Just an update. Today I spent a lot of time watching Monty and Georgia. I'm so used to riding horses that have "been there, done that" I never realized what all this new surrounding may feel to Dee! Tonight when I took Dee out, I did the incremental steps to bringing her in the barn (a place she has ALWAYS been very nervous in). I started by walking to the barn door, rubbing, walking away. Letting her process for the 3seconds. Then walking her in the barn and right out. 3seconds. I progressed enough until she was in the barn for a few minutes, during which I picked up a brush and gave her a quick brush. Then we went for a short walk to the "candy store" (or front lawn with yummy fresh green grass growing heehee) I let her nibble some grass and we went back to the barn, in, out and then I put her away. I never let EITHER of us get to a point of feeling uncomfortable. I was VERY relaxed when I put her away, and I do believe she was TOO! :) SUCCESS!!!
Bravo, well done. That is great and I'm sure very satisfying.
Ain't it great.
Keep us posted,
Ronda
I'm glad you were so successful.
Keep up the good work!
Wow! well done corbenga! Way to go, Hey! Fantastic. Keep the good times and successes happening but be ready for the setbacks and challenges too!! Keep us up dated.
Corbengra - I thought of you when I was watching 'horseandcountrytv' Episode 10 Secret skills to-day. Check out the list I have just posted below.
Thanks Maggie!!! I very much enjoyed watching that!!!! I already "tummy breath" as I call it...so I'll just have to practice taking the long deep breaths while with Dee :) Thanks!
Darn...I posted my comment to the wrong thread. Went for a short ride tonight. Did some transitions, circles, walk, trot. Felt so good and relaxed and so was she I picked up a canter for half the ring...first time for me to canter her! It was perfect! So, I called it a night with that :)
Another question that I have. When I was riding, at one point in the field behind us some of the horses walked up near the fence. It's kind of from up over a hill so they just suddenly were there....it startled her and she kind of bolted ahead a few strides, stopped (on my asking her to) and then turned around with head up in the air to "look" at what startled her. What do I do there? How do I correct her and let her know that "running" is NOT an option?
I think the best way to teach a horse to stand still when they're frightened by something is to work to desensitize them to as many things as possible. This will help her to better deal with new situations when riding and feel more confident. Also it's always important that you keep your adrenaline down as much as possible so she will also stay calm. She is looking to you as her leader to tell her if there is danger or not. The flight response is natural for horses, I don't know that we can completely eliminate it however you can greatly reduce it. I'm sure you've heard all of this before but hopefully this well help. Also, when she bolts and then stops I would back her up a few steps to teach her to plant her feet and then relax the reins.
What I liked about the whole situation, is it only took her a few strides to respond to me. Which is good. I actually had no idea what scared her until I turned around to see the other horses....Thanks for your input :)
Corbengra - I think Dee and you did very well in this difficult situation. She did stop and was responsive to you - fantastic! Many horses would have just kept going and if they were really frightened they may have even bucked. Most horses would try to gallop in a situation like this as horses galloping is a sign that they should too. As Monty tells us they move as one. My horse Nicky who is incredibly reliable to ride out by herself on the roads gets excited when other horses we are passing gallop up to the fence to say hello. It is just natural for them. However the more you can expose Dee to this the better she will become. When you see horses approaching turn her in a circle a few times and then turn her to watch them and then ask her to walk on. I don't turn Nicky in circles as she is western trained and as soon as I put my leg on her to turn her she spins and then gets more excited but it works with all my other horses. With Nicky I just turn her to face them and give her lots of pats etc. Remember to try to stay calm yourself although I know how hard that is sometimes.
Just read your other post from the previous day. Perhaps it is a bit soon to be riding Dee out. It may be better just to keep her confined for awhile until you are both really acquainted with each other. Everything sounds to be going great in the confined area. If you wish to take her out at this early stage just take her on the dually halter for a walk out past the horses etc. It is great for them to get out but you must feel confident in them prior to doing this. I am still to ride Tricka (my photo horse) out on the roads and she is now six but we do ride out in my paddocks and in the extensive cross country section of my riding club. Before I ride Tricka out on the roads I will lead her out off my quiet very fat, warmblood , ex-police horse, - Ouyen as nothing fazes her - she was trained by the police and broken in for me by them. Tricka's training has been put on hold for almost 12 months now as she shied badly about this time last year, slipped on the wet grass and landed very heavily on her back. She has had numerous 'experts' check her out and they have all given me a different diagnosis so that is very frustrating. The latest guy who looked at her gave me good news after the very deprressing news the chiro gave me about 6 weeks ago. He claims that her injuries are just muscular and will repair in time so I am smiling again. I have been riding her intermitanly for short rides between 'experts' but now I can start to try to build her up. Still mostly short rides on a long rein to start with and trot poles. She need to have her head extended and down as much as possible to strengthen her back - she has a long back which is part of her problem. It wont be long now until I ask my fat Ouyen to help out. So don't be in too much of a hurry to ride Dee out although they love it and it is good for them. Try to find a nice safe area for those first few rides so that you feel safe and cofident yourself.
I was riding her in the ring. I haven't taken her out anywhere else, besides leading her to different areas in the yard. I'm not much of a trail rider myself, although, my daughter wishes I was. This is where the option to be able to have pictures would be good. :) My ring is situated just over the edge of a sloping hill. The big horses are pastured down over the hill, with their fence just running a little past the top of the hill. At the time she "bolted" a few strides, the horses had quietly walked up grazing over the top of the hill. She had her back to that spot and I guess it startled her when they appeared. I know that will continue to happen for a while, until she gets used to the fact that sometimes they're there, sometimes they're not.
I'm so sorry to hear about your horse Maggie!!!!! But, also glad to hear that she is getting better. Hopefully, she'll be back to normal before long :)
Thanks for your comment :)
I just read back on what I'd wrote..."When I was riding, at one point in the field behind us some of the horses walked up near the fence." It should have been worded " when i was riding, at one point, the horses in the next pasture over..."
This may sound silly but I just relax into my horse. I rub his neck and let him absorb the anxiety. Work my way to his back and just put both arms on his back and lay my head down. Then breath with him. He takes the Anxiety away. Careful now it does tend to cause me to fall asleep. But my horse doesn't seem to mind. He just nuzzles me when he wants to move. Maybe your horse will do this for you.
I pray. I, too, am tense around horses. Being around them brings out anxiety in me for many reasons. But, I find that when I pray about it I'm reminded that I'm not alone.
Sharing breath with them is the most amazing way to bond. It gives a great sense of relief and release.
Hi all
I have PTSD/shell shock dealing with the aftermath know more or less.
things that helped me were cutting out sugar, caffeine (especially soda) and on the subject of sugar
horses are much more likely to founder with high levels of sugar. A warm sunny day
and cold nights will bring the grass sugar levels up, for some horses it's to much.
Yoga and meditation worked, a meditation teacher I like is Shinzen young he has free guided meditations
http://www.diydharma.org/audio/by/album/the_science_of_enlightenment
hope that helps
P.S. the horses helped a lot building confidence in me
Diaphragmatic breathing, work on making it second nature to you, eventually it will become just that, you will do it without ever thinking about it.